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Originally Posted by I3uster

without any value judgement for anything in this situation please have someone read your posts before you finish them in regards to anything related to this because seriously dude someone died what the fuck are you saying man

That's what happens when I wake right up and post, so yes, that is on me and I'll apologize. I am not very good until a few hours after I wake up.

A funeral is a one-time thing to deal with - unfortunate, definitely not fun, but past whatever costs are incurred via the funeral process itself, there's nothing "else" that will come up days or weeks later and get you. The funeral directors aren't going to come up two weeks later and be like "sorry, we miscounted, you owe us $5000 more." Doesn't work like that, because they tally up the costs and give you your final number then and there.

I had an ongoing event that just would not stop for multiple reasons, and had to be dealt with for literally several months - this is quite literally the longest span I've given without having to deal with warrants or pass money to my co-worker since this crap all began in July (and for her, it actually all began in late June - she did what she could before even coming to me). And while it was technically nothing to do with me, I chose to get involved in it and to try to solicit help once I'd blown past my own personal means to do so. So the onus of repaying those who helped her via me is on me, and the onus of her repaying me every dollar that I got her in help is on her. As I've said in the past, this is someone I've loaned literally thousands of dollars to in the past, and she has repaid me. There's no guarantee she will do it this time, but either way, *I* will make good on my debts to everyone who helped me even if I get fucked.

I didn't keep asking because I wanted to, I kept asking because otherwise the odds of us beating the whole thing were slim to none. Now that it seems to be done (we haven't had to deal with a warrant in about 48 hours and hopefully it will stay that way), I don't need to ask for more money, and can finally get down to paying people off. We will deal with the check we are trying to get with our own finances.

That was the point behind what I said.

Originally Posted by Dark Pulse

Yours at least had the luxury

without any value judgement for anything in this situation please have someone read your posts before you finish them in regards to anything related to this because seriously dude someone died what the fuck are you saying man

Originally Posted by Spinach

"Give me a break" he said after spamming irc asking for money for over a week. Your persistence has singlehandedly made me feel ashamed of myself for linking my brother's gofundme to help with the funeral bill of his wife just a couple weeks ago.

Don't spend all this time literally begging then get snippy because you wrote something extremely misunderstandable and people rightfully misunderstood it.

And when I explain myself and people STILL get it wrong?

Do I get to be snippy then?

Or do I just have to keep getting memed on the forums and take it? You think those pictures haven't gotten back to me?

As for your case, you shouldn't feel ashamed. Only reason I've been "persistent" is because so have these charges and this saga. Yours at least had the luxury of being a single, set event. Ours seems to be over - we haven't had to deal with one in almost 48 hours now, so the DA pretty much has brought this to a close, I'm figuring - but there's a bit of a difference between a funeral and having to clear up a mess through the court system. So now that those have stopped, I've finally been able to tally up what I owe and know just how much I owe everyone.

Or do you think I actually WANTED to keep running to here and begging people for money for some goddamn reason?

Originally Posted by just Beamu

The funniest part of this is that if you hadn't mentioned dropping 700 on a monitor while owing people money this wouldn't likely have been brought up as an issue

Like I said, heaven forbid I look forward to buying myself something nice after months of not having money, especially when one of the things mentioned was something I already HAD bought and sacrificed to help my co-worker out.

The guy who's had to sacrifice all of his and other people's money having the audacity to think about stuff he'd like to buy when he once again has some money! What a bastard he is! People will help him out and he'll just go buy shit the second he has some money back apparently!

Won't make that mistake again. Believe me, I'm more than sorry I even mentioned it. I have no idea what I was thinking except that people would agree "Yeah, treat yourself when this is all over, you've been through some shit."

Now instead I get to be called a thief by people who didn't even give me a dime. My actions (and hopefully some documentation) will eventually clear my name because you bet your ass I'll be paying everyone back before buying a damn thing, but until then, this fucking hurts.

The funniest part of this is that if you hadn't mentioned dropping 700 on a monitor while owing people money this wouldn't likely have been brought up as an issue

"Give me a break" he said after spamming irc asking for money for over a week. Your persistence has singlehandedly made me feel ashamed of myself for linking my brother's gofundme to help with the funeral bill of his wife just a couple weeks ago.

Don't spend all this time literally begging then get snippy because you wrote something extremely misunderstandable and people rightfully misunderstood it.

Originally Posted by Lianru

Most -> all then try again honestly.

It *IS* fucking all, jeez. "Most" is because the five people I owe the most to is 80% of what I owe. That's not going to disappear overnight, not unless that check is at least $10,000 after lawyer fees and my co-worker clearing her back bills, and I seriously doubt that is going to happen.

Does nobody get this?

Fuck, sorry for mentioning what I was looking forward to spoiling myself with or that I wanted to hold on to a little cash to make myself not be totally broke outside of paying my bills if people think I'm going to be that kind of prick. How the hell am I going to afford either of the things I mentioned when that check is probably going to be pretty toast and I will need to use several months of my work pay no matter what?

Give me a fucking break already.

Most -> all then try again honestly.

Originally Posted by Lianru

I don't think it's in very good taste to talk about all the hundreds of dollars you plan to spend on things you don't need before paying back people who donated literally tons more than you put in yourself. They are honestly the real heroes and deserve to be treated as such.

Originally Posted by Snow

Quite. You're talking about 'treating yourself' to superexpensive computer doodads, even listing their huge prices, while there's people yet to be paid off. I assume people donated with the intention of helping you and your coworker out of a difficult situation, not for your entertainment expenses, and you did iirc write a number of times in your posts that you intend to pay people back as soon as possible. EXTREMELY bad look from what I can see, and terrible tact and taste.

Apparently, neither of you fully read what I said, and it seems everyone wound up reading the whole "spend a little on myself" part while completely missing/ignoring what I had stated just before then.

I shall re-quote it for everyone's benefit, with the important points bolded, italicized, and underlined.

[...] we owe $180 on the check for an apparent hospital-related charge that has come up (and in truth been up for at least a month or so - it came up while we were dealing with warrants, by which point I'd told her to let it sit there until all this warrant shit was killed). If that's all that's owed, great - we get the check, she takes care of her bills (she'd better, because she knows I'll be pissed at her if she just hands over the whole check to me without taking care of her back bills), makes sure she will be good to go financially from then on (i.e; food in the house, gas in the car, some extra money until our next paycheck after the next one on the 12th), and she gives me the rest, cutting deeply into her debt she owes me (and in turn letting me begin to pay back BLers and others not related to the site who've lent me anything).

At that point, most of BL is paid off, but I will probably keep at least a thousand or two for now [...]

Translation: After making sure my co-worker is no longer fucked financially, she will give me what is left. Out of what is left, the vast majority of that will go towards righting the debts I've gotten into with other BLers.

In other words, before I even buy something for myself, most of BL will be paid off. The only ones who probably won't be paid back in full will be those who gave the most (for very obvious reasons), and even in their case, I'd like to slash what I owe them in at least half. So yes, most of that check actually is going right back to those who gave me money - save for a small chunk of it.

After all, it is kind of nice to have some money again after basically three months of perpetually having none.

I'm not putting myself ahead of those who've given me money here first; at the same time, I'd be lying if I said that out of whatever I get on that check (which I'm estimating to be approximately $5000-7000 after the lawyer takes 2/3rds and my co-worker clears her back bills), that I wouldn't keep at least a small piece of that for myself just so that I can have some money back in my pocket again and to get myself something nice eventually after three months of very nasty stress. The remaining few thousand I would owe to BLers would then be paid out of my work checks and whatever else she gives me over that time period. Even doing it that way, I should have everyone squared off again by perhaps January, February at latest. By my calculations, I owe everyone (both on BL and a few people who have nothing to do with BL) perhaps about $6500-7000. Of course, if the check is somehow more than that (either lawyer takes diminished cut, or co-worker's back bills aren't as bad as I surmise they are), then hey - I can pay everyone back in full immediately and not have to sacrifice literally half my paychecks from work towards repayment.

So sorry if I'd like to eventually spend $600-700 on myself after I give at least $5000-6000 back to those who've loaned me money, especially when most of those people gave no set timeframe, said "pay it back as you can," and I made a very public declaration that if they needed to be repaid ASAP to message me and I would prioritize them over those who could afford to wait. I intend to pay off the smaller ones outright, and slash the larger ones in at least half, and from there I will use my work checks to cover the rest to the tune of at least $500-600 a month (which is half of my take-home pay per month - the remainder is bills and a paltry $100-200 for myself) until they, too, are paid back in full and squared away again.

Then, I will buy myself something.

If that makes me a greedy fucker, then I guess I'm a greedy fucker. Sorry for trying to keep a little bit of money for myself too, and for not just handing everything of that check over to everyone so as to minimize their debts and leave myself with dick until they're paid back down to every cent.

And to be frankly honest, if what I get is closer to $5000, then yes, even me buying something will have to wait awhile. I'm not fucking stupid here.

Originally Posted by Strife ❤️

Can someone chip in $3000 for me to get a Titan V, I’m an e-girl but I can’t get 60fps at 4K so it’s very sad...

If you donate more than $500 I’ll send you a nice selfie

I'll give you a dollar to bugger off, trying to use my money for computer parts.

smh

Can someone chip in $3000 for me to get a Titan V, I’m an e-girl but I can’t get 60fps at 4K so it’s very sad...

If you donate more than $500 I’ll send you a nice selfie

No. Pay people back first. Without their money - money they could've spent on anything else, but chose to be kind and generous and offer to help this cause - you wouldn't have gotten to the point you're at now. You need to respect that.

Speaking as someone who kicked in about a thousand, I would actually encourage him to go ahead and actually not be focused on money or debts for a bit.

im just happy to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Congratulations to you and your friend.

Quite. You're talking about 'treating yourself' to superexpensive computer doodads, even listing their huge prices, while there's people yet to be paid off. I assume people donated with the intention of helping you and your coworker out of a difficult situation, not for your entertainment expenses, and you did iirc write a number of times in your posts that you intend to pay people back as soon as possible. EXTREMELY bad look from what I can see, and terrible tact and taste.

I don't think it's in very good taste to talk about all the hundreds of dollars you plan to spend on things you don't need before paying back people who donated literally tons more than you put in yourself. They are honestly the real heroes and deserve to be treated as such.

Originally Posted by Snow

Is making a GoFundMe an option? Seems much more practical for updates and keeping track than bl blogposts to me.

Considering the timeframe we're given for warrants (a few hours tops), I don't think GoFundMe allows for such immediate depositing of money, so it really wouldn't work well.

Is making a GoFundMe an option? Seems much more practical for updates and keeping track than bl blogposts to me.

Originally Posted by Imperial

You can't save a drowning person if you start drowning as well. This situation has spiraled beyond your ability to control it.

All this talk of warrants makes me wonder if someone's bad behavior is being rewarded.

I, personally, will not be drowning. I get paid next week; my $30 bill is due about a week later, and the remaining $400 will come in the week after (which is also when I get my next paycheck). The two paychecks combined will easily let me pay off what I owe in October, and leave me with several hundred dollars to spare - money that I'm hoping I can begin to use to pay people back, assuming there's no more pressing needs for it.

I will be fine. I'm perhaps living a bit lean without my usual lunch stuff to take to work, but I'm neither starving, nor insolvent. I just can't spare any extra money until at least next week, and we don't have the luxury of waiting when it comes to warrants.

What I am out is $3700 spare dollars, plus of course, all the money I have to pay back to people who've loaned me money since then. BLers are owed approximately $6000 by my loose estimate - I'll know for sure once I add everything up.

And again, I know the family very well. The person getting charged usually only leaves home for two reasons - to go to an appointment of hers, and to smoke a cigarette on the porch/in the backyard. That's about it. She's not a thief, nor a vandal, nor any of the other things she's been accused of, because my co-worker would kick her out of the house if she did any of that shit. Hell, she'd kick her out of the house for doing lesser shit than that.

I think that my money is thus very much worth it to try to prevent someone who deals with both severe depression and physical disability out of even the Holding Center, because I wouldn't feel very comfortable about willingly testing if she will manage to avoid hurting herself or not if there's an arrest made.

Originally Posted by Mooncake

If this case has already been going on three months, and is this tangled right now, then it's going to keep going on for quite some time. Is it worth it to keep going down this rabbit hole? Just... think of your own happiness, DP. Is this what you want?

Actually, it pretty much all stops as soon as either the warrants stop or she gets arrested. Yes, there's still the matter of getting the check we've been trying to get, but we can't lose that if we don't pay on it, unlike what the second lawyer who'd fucked us told us - it just won't be cleared/released until we pay whatever is left on it.

That is something that, if need be, can wait until our finances clear up, without having to beg you guys for money. Only reason I was stating that as a reason back then is both me and my co-worker were led to believe not paying it would lead to us losing it.

Right now, her daughter getting arrested is the only thing that COULD cause us to lose it, since it's in the daughter's name.

I get that you guys are worried about me, and again, I thank you for that. Yes, this situation is taking a toll on me, but to my mind, if I CAN do something to help someone who I trust, then I will. Unfortunately right now my only ability to help is via whatever finanacial means others give me to fight it, so as I've told her, once that dries up, I've done all I can to help her and from there she would have to rely on her lawyer, the DA, the sheriff, and the legal system in general.

But I wouldn't be able to sleep very well at night knowing I could help someone and chose not to. So as long as I've got something to spare that won't kill my rent/bill money, then help I shall.

So the short answer to your question? I'd take the stress of this any day compared to the guilt of neglecting the situation.

Then perhaps you should examine our posts closely, and read the worry for DP that’s in there?

Let’s try to keep in mind folks there is a thin but extremely important line that exists between trying to give someone advice and preening about how wrong someone is for your own self satisfaction.

If this case has already been going on three months, and is this tangled right now, then it's going to keep going on for quite some time. Is it worth it to keep going down this rabbit hole? Just... think of your own happiness, DP. Is this what you want?