Top Secret Files of a Mental Fugitive, Exposed

So here I am today, listening to Hiromi Konno's "Misoji Misaki", which is a maxi single released back when Lucky Star was all in the rage. Hiromi Konno is the voice actress for Akira Kogami, that pink-haired "moe little girl" in Lucky Channel, hosting alongside a fictionalized version of Minoru Shiraishi. You might also remember her as the voice for Sae Nakata and, according to my haphazard research, she seems to be stuck on voicing cutesy little girls, even if she is already past thirty herself. This seems to be ironic in her case, because the character of Akira Kogami is almost experiencing the same shit. But anyway, I like her voice when she sang this song, especially when title drops and it goes like she's halfway roaring, providing a modicum of comic relief to the mostly lyrically and tonally tragicomic song. "Relief" is an appropriate word here to describe the feeling when I heard this song, else it would be like the last time when I was so fucking pissed off while writing another shitty blog article, I just said "fuck it" and posted it in a laughably hasty form.

But the best part? Tomorrow's going to be my twentieth birthday, every June 7.

It has always been so ironic that classes are going to start on my birthday week. Sometimes, it happens on the day itself. And I always hated that fact, it makes me want to just lie down on my bed on the whole week and just rest there for a while. But nope, you have to go to school, you have to work hard and endure the mundane yet stressing environment of the modern education system and tell yourself that if you got that fucking piece of paper they called diploma, you're going to get a steady job in a company, where you get to experience the same thing, only you're being compensated monetarily for doing something that slowly drains your life force. And if you don't get a diploma and quit midway, congratulations, your only chance of survival is pretty much the same thing after you get to graduate, only you have less pay, lower position, lower chance of promotion and lower self-respect. If you don't work, you're going to get no pay, no respect and nothing to do, except to be stuck at home, playing video games and writing shitty blog articles.

And while writing this, I just had the urge to listen to my downloaded (read: pirated) catalogue of Dead Kennedys' songs, specifically "Pull My Strings". If you actually know the lyrics, you'll just be surprised at how this was written on the 80s and still applies until today, as it talks about pre-fabricated singers, bands and celebrities on the media, whenever it is here at the Philippines, at the United States, at Korea and at Japan, especially at those last two countries at the list. After that song, "Chicken Farm", talking about the Communist regime at Vietnam. And it made me think, that somewhere out there, there are billions and billions of people from all parts in the world who maybe experiencing the same or maybe infinitely worse conditions than what I have today. Sadly, I've already realized that back in high school, and even if you change your opinion and advocate a principle or whatever philosophy that sympathizes to all of the oppressed people in the world, it's going to do jackshit, because you're not doing anything. Hell, even if you take action, there are some cases where after you help them, yes, they are grateful but the results only last for a few years then it's back on the old ways. Sometimes, they don't even want your help at all. Reminds me when I was still in college, on the second part of the ever obligatory subject of National Service Training Program, where the government passes their responsibilities of maintaining public elementary schools to college students, using out own pocket money. We tried to beautify their Botantical Garden but failed, maybe because the school principal was in mourning during that time because her husband just suddenly died of heart attack, as well as the fact that the students loved playing in the Garden so much, they uprooted many of our plants. That's the time when I partly realized what they meant by "helping yourself".

Also, just recently, Bob Ong released a book titled "Lumayo Ka Nga Sa Akin" (translation: "Get Away From Me", the title of the book parodies a song here by Rodel Naval named "Lumayo Ka Man Sa Akin", which means "You Might Get Away From Me".), it is written in a movie script form and it parodies and criticizes all aspects of the Philippine entertainment industry. I tried reading it and I was not impressed because, aside from the heavily luckluster humor, the stories are just vehicles for the author to soapbox his views on the entertainment industry. I tend to agree with his statements about our train wreck of a entertainment industry, but he could have just written it just like how he used to write, which is a series of articles written in conversational Filipino. Blatant soapboxing is better than badly disguised soapboxing, in this case. It also make me think of my aspiration as a writer. (Seriously, at this point, I am not in the mood to use words such as "aspiration" anymore.) It made me ask, "Okay, if there is a chance that I will be a good writer that can actually speak out his opinions in public and get people to listen, what are the chances that I will fall from grace, be forgotten and be just another book in rarely-visited library shelves?" The thought dampened my motivation to dream as a writer for a while but then again, I also thought to myself that being another book on the shelf isn't that bad. At least it's better than nothing at all, because it does increase the chance of you influencing someone. You could also say that having written a book will leave your mark in this world, but since this world might just collapse anytime without warning, just don't look into it and be satisfied with writing a book.

Well, again, I could just write my life story here and it would be appropriate as a blog post before my birthday tomorrow, but I won't be satisfied with it. I dunno, maybe it has something to do with the fact that I feel shit a day before my birthday and maybe I just wanted to record my thoughts on that day before it happens, unless vBulletin kicks us out again or something and all of my blog entries are lost forever. Maybe someday, I will stop feeling shit less often and look back at these posts and feel satisfied. I dunno.

But as I see it in other people here in BL, that fucking feeling might not go away, only change in form.

And there is goes, Guns N' Roses' "November Rain" plays on my computer's Media Player, just to chill out a bit after this.