Top Secret Files of a Mental Fugitive, Exposed

Alright, here I am again, attempting to blog the hell out of myself because I realized that I shouldn't have forced myself to blog once a week as if my life depended on it. And since I've tried to avoid blogging for the past few months or maybe even a year, I've had a lot of topics in my head for this blog that just slipped away because I've tried to avoid blogging. All that good material just disappeared, only because I've tried it once, set a damn schedule, felt forced and never blogged again. Until now, that is. So I've decided to blog instead at my own pace, since, you know, this isn't my day job. But then again, I realized that I love talking about pointless shit that happens in my mind and I can't really live without getting it all out, I just should do it without schedules and at my own accord. No ASAP nonsense this time.

So our topic for today is what happened to me during the last few months that I've disappeared from my blog. Namely, let's start with my mental health. This is urgent because it might be the root cause of more health problems I had. I've decided myself that I should see a psychologist because of the problems I am causing to my household. So there, psychologist said I've got bipolar disorder and depression, so I was given medicines that would lighten my mood up and calm me down but the problem was it made me sleepy all the freaking time, so I've decided, after a few months to find another psychologist for a second option. Another set of medicines, another set of problems. It was fine for a few weeks or so, but with the sleepiness that it cause me, this is the part where shit hits the fan.

First, I've started to feel more tired, up to the point that I can't walk the normal distances that used to walk. Then, when I was told by my mother to fetch something at the supermarket and was on my way home, I suddenly felt really weak and all I saw in my surroundings were white, almost white. I became so weak that I couldn't stand on my feet and I had to go home using those tricycle commutes which are not unlike the tuk-tuks in other countries closer to ours. So then, we've decided to go see a doctor and they determined that I had anemia. This wasn't the first time I've had one. The first time was after my second operation five years ago. Loss of blood. But this time, they don't exactly know what caused it, so they gave me blood transfusion. When they tested my blood before the transfusion, they said all my blood cell counts were way below the normal but after the transfusion, it barely moved up. Nevertheless, they've released me from confinement. And so I've field tested my endurance now for long walks to the nearest mall. To say that I've failed because I felt weak on my feet again is not a surprise. So there was another transfusion but during that time, I've developed something much worst: Diarrhea accompanied by vomiting out whatever I've eaten recently. No pain and no clue why.

After the numerous hospital shenanigans regarding where to confine me, where to get the blood and the second transfusion, some of my relatives and my mother decided to bring me to a better hospital in Manila, the same one where I've got my second operation. I've visited my gastroenterologist there, gave all our test results from prescriptions to my ultrasound results and then, he said that I need to be hospitalized again immediately. This is the part where I would skip some details because I deem them too disgusting to discuss, but let's just say the other details. First, they had to give my nutrients via IV. Second, it was the first time I've had two IV cannulas in the same arm, one on the back of my hand, the other on the back of my elbow where the arm folds, so I was not able to move that for a while. Third, I've encountered that thing I most fear in hospitals in an unexpected way: Naso-gastric Tube, also known as NGT. They had to insert this tube through you nostrils down your stomach. They did that because I've still got a lot air pockets in my digestive system after they failed to get rid of them in a way that involves suppositories. So yeah, there goes a classified detail. But going back, with two IV cannulas in my right arm and an NGT, I wasn't able to move for a few days. There, you should be able to draw your own conclusions. And I am not saying another thing directly.

Well, when they've finally got rid of that other cannula in my arm joint and NGT, my situation got easier. But damn it if it didn't felt like the longest ten days, as confinement always feels like to me. So yeah, the final diagnosis given to my by my doctors (Yes, doctors, because in involved my intestines and my blood, as well as a bit of my mind.) was, according to the envelop they gave us, "Partial intestinal obstruction probably secondary to post-operative adhesion; t/c Paroxysmal nocturnal hemoglobinuria; t/c Bipolar mood disorder, currently euthymic". On that second one, paroxysmal nocturnal hemoglobinuria, I wouldn't know that it was a rare disease if I didn't looked it up right now on Wikipedia. Oh wow. But the cause of it is, from what I understand from the doctors talking to my mother, was all that sleeping I did when I was still on those psych meds. They said it affected my liver, so they told me to stop taking those and take lower dosage of one of them, solely to get me to sleep at night.

Well, so here I am, still generally fine except for the psychological diagnosis. I am still taking meds for it and, even though I want to get a job, my mother suggested otherwise. She said I should recover first. Perhaps she's right. Besides, if we are talking about my social skills, I am like expired food: Not fit for human consumption. I have to get out of slump and get my shit together one day. I can't just live forever like this. But for now, I have issues to fix. Many of them. And the might potentially need behavioral therapy to sort out.