Petrikow

There have been happening things this summer.

If you frequent this section you've probably stumbled upon Spinach's recounting of the AX2016 happenings, of which I happened to be apart of.

But I won't delve into much detail. Go read his blog posts if you wish to get some of that.

Rather I'll write a bit about my own thoughts.

These days I think of myself as rather distanced from our quaint community, yet obstinately tied nonetheless. It is a genuinely frustrating predicament in a lot of respects, yet I am too far in to let go.

Because I do want to let go. It is rare for me to be so attached. I am a fleeting person whose internet associations waver and shift rather often, or that's how I used to view things at least.

When I met with Bloble in LA he made it a habit of frequently reminding me of how different he perceived me to be from how I acted online. Especially putting in contrast with the other people in our group, that is.

That's probably more true than I actually realized before then. There are many things I cannot express person-to-person just as there are many things I cannot express over the internet.

This dichotomy has probably colored my interactions here rather more than I would have liked?

It is not like I feel bothered that people have the "wrong" image of me or anything. Rather, it is an annoying reminder that I still cannot be true to myself or others in many ways.

Somehow there is always that block which guards me from truly expressing my thoughts, some misguided social maneuvering poisoning my mind. Such things truly disgust me.

Partly this is why I would like to divorce myself from this place.

Of course, I have many other misgivings as well.

I have a tendency to become a bit unpleasant at times, as people may know.

A lot of the time, people remark this comes across as irrational and unfounded. In a lot of senses you could call this correct. But never do people presume this from the right perspective, nor ever could they.

Critically I am want to avoid burdening people with my personal reasoning. Why is hard to say. Nevertheless, I think this might be why I look like a bundle of emotionally motivated nonsense.

One technique which I employ that further this paradigm is the [No-Post], Kiririririn~

Usually, people and things I found unpleasant I simply summarily try to avoid at all costs, which involves keeping interactions with them at a minimum.

Probably part of larger problem in my life, but whatever.

But then comes the moments when I cannot contain myself any longer. Suddenly this carefully crafted silence is smashed, rendering it all a pointless exercise.

So it is irrational.

All this aside, the people I met at LA were all very great people.

Bloble,
Frantic Author,
Tangerang,
Reiu,
Kuroyuki,
Banquo,
Noodle Knight,
HYuy,
Kyokushi (My little username... etc),
Mac Chaos,
Nachos the Doritosedge,
Mooncake,
Maple-tan,
MHX,
Missing Mandible,
Ragnar,
Theocrass,
Mewarmo,
Spinach,
I3uster.

Thanks a lot guys.