Blog Comments

I see says the blind man, I see.

mediafire.

Turn-it-in checked out quite well. Very small "plagurism" (which consisted of my quotes, and saying "a 2006 study by the “Swedish National Institute for Working Life” survey)" was all that was picked up.

Oh yea, I did cite them properly (I hope). This isn't it. This was part of the working biblography our teacher wanted us to make. And I beleive she did say it was ok that I didn't have to directly link each survey (Finding them couldn't have hurt.) and that the articles sufficed. It was the results of each of them was what I needed. In my original version I was going to say what each of them said...when they became less of a focus, it seemed that I should go "this survey said this, and this survey said that, and this survey said this, and this survey said that". Instead, I just put them together as I did, said their results togther, and then explained how they got those results and the one I actually used the most (the INTERPHONE survey) I did directly link to.

*deep breath*

I am quite nervous. I just hope I did things right.

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When I get home today I'll put up the final version of this thing, worked cited, outline and all for download.

By the way Leo, my thing is over the small kb upload limit. Is there any other way to upload it, is a zipped attachment able to hold more? Or should I just go through other means?

Gotta use academic sources and cite them properly. Unless you're like a high school sophomore, in which case, do whatever.

welp

Maaaaaaa?

That might have been useful a few hours ago. Thing's all turned in and done now. Too late for doovers.

Maaaaaaaaaaa

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/

Go get that, then do real MLA citations from the academic sources, not the news articles.

I'd like to point out that Seika is studying Classics at Oxford, so I would expect her essay-writing skills to be better than most....

Alright,and results, and my essay semi torn to shreds. As I expected. *sigh*

I'm working right now, so I don't have time to go over everything, I will when I'm home.

And also Seika, I haven't really gone through it and given it tough proofreading. As soon as I finished I put it here and hopped into bed for work 6:15 hours later.

And I did go over the later paragraphs moreso then the earlier ones, so i"'m not suprisied they suck more.

Thanks for the responses, and I appoligize for. The sloppy post here. My break ended 3 minutes ago.
See ya

Was going to do the whole thing. I gave up after the first two paragraphs.

Thesis: Over the past decade, there have been many surveys and studies analyzing cellphones and whether¹ they have any link to cancer. However, there is² not enough information to determine ^[3] whether ^[4] the radiation from cell phones causes cancer, prevents cancer, or has no relation⁵ to cancer at all.

1 Indirect speech – whether instead of if.
2 The sentence is way too long: here was a good break point. And 'unfortunately' is an unnecessary qualifier.
3 Unnecessary and over-casual qualifier. If you must, at least make it just 'beyond doubt'. Or 'incontrovertibly' for extra formality.
4 You're about to specify both the "yes" and "no" possibilities - 'or not' is therefore extraneous, and indeed you have it later on in the sentence, placed more appropriately.
5 Singular 'radiation' is the subject, but you had plural verbs.


Over many years mankind has done what it can to stay healthy and to stay safe from the toxins of our world. When something is shown to be¹ dangerous or toxic to a human, we as a society go out of our way to avoid its use². For many years, cellphones have been a great subject of study, with researchers going over this very useful device with great care³ to see if it has any connection at all with acoustic neuroma[⁴] or⁵ other rare cancers in the brain. Cellphone companies have denied the claim citing their own study of the radiation (called Radiofrequency Energy, RF energy for short) given off by cellphones⁶, the results of which indicate that RF energy⁷ cannot cause cancer at all. Are cellphone companies [⁸] being fully honest – cellphones are not toxic – or, like tobacco⁹ companies, are they hiding the truth to extend their profits? [¹⁰] This brings up the question, one all of us should be wary of¹¹ – do¹² cellphones cause cancer? Does this mean¹³ the very instrument that has revolutionized commerce and communication¹⁴ is also¹⁵ deadly and toxic to us? If¹⁶ this¹⁷ is true, we are exposing the majority of our society to a deadly poison - in the United States¹⁸, nearly every single person has a cellphone, for reasons of use or social status. Researchers have been pondering this question for a very long while. Over the past decade, there have been many surveys and studies analyzing cellphones and if they have any link to cancer, but unfortunately there is not enough information to determine beyond a shadow of a doubt whether or not the radiation from cell phones causes cancer, prevents cancer, or has¹⁹ no relation to cancer at all.

1 More formal language; avoiding repetition of 'out' in the same sentence.
2 Concision is better.
3 Again, more formal.
4 Since it's unlikely to cause them all at once.
5 Like, e.g., 'lymphoma', you do not need to capitalise varieties of cancer.
6 Was singular where it shouldn't have been
7 These seemed like two parts of different sentences jammed together. The addition gives it some sense.
8 'They' is extraneous.
9 Tobacco doesn't need capitalisation.
10 Do demagogic rhetorical questions have a place in your academic essays? (Also 'in truth … in stealth' is redundant).
11 You're not tired of it, you think it's an important question! For that matter, are you even wary of it? Again, you want it to be asked. Perhaps "the implications of which may be troubling". If you can't lose the question altogether, which I think you can.
12 This should all really be one sentence. Especially since you've made it 'the' question.
13 Made no sense without this.
14 Commutation is a word, but probably not the one you're thinking of. More likely 'commuting' or 'communication'.
15 Reduplication of 'also'.
16 Reduplication of 'if'.
17 'this' would naturally refer back to your immediately previous assertion of wide-spread cellphone use and ownership. You mean it to the question of cellphone toxicity. The quick (albeit somewhat ugly) solution is just to move the 'In the United States ...' sentence so that the question and 'this' are in close proximity again.
18 Does need capitalisation, since it's a country.
19 As above, so below.


And, generally, it's not what I'd expect from an academic essay. What you've spent nearly 300 words on can be summed up as “Cellphones are a ubiquitous part of our lives – but that very ubiquity makes the health concerns which surround them all the more pertinent. Cellphone companies cite studies which show very little danger to users, whilst others are inconclusive thanks to a lack of evidence.” The rest is rhetoric and filler: so far as you're able, every sentence should contribute.

Lack of specificity hurts you too. What are these studies, what are the companies, what tobacco companies did this before, exactly how widespread is cellphone use/ownership etc. etc. Again, it's rhetoric, like you're a politician giving a speech who doesn't want to be able to be pinned down and caught in his half-truths. You're writing an academic paper – this should be unbiased truth, or as close as you can get. Specificity is your friend!

All that aside, how did you get through three drafts with that many grammar/phrasing/syntax errors? When I'm rushing my essays (at least once a week), I'd do something this length in two hours, and the whole thing might have this many faults, not the introductory paragraph. Even basic grammar/spell-checkers should have picked up things like you putting the same word twice in a row, nevermind you yourself taking at least a passing glance through.

Yeah, I have to agree with Leo here. The burden of proof is on the people who claim there is a connection, really, and there is no evidence that demonstrates that there is.

Your thesis doesn't actually sound like what you claim it to be - "Overall in the opinion of this author, there is very little evidence to show that cancer and cellphones have any connection at all." That's your thesis. Also, get a real works cited.

Its pretty good though I suggest shorter paragraphs or more breaks as it will make it much easier to read. Just an opinion of mine

I noticed you used surveys and studies while reliable have you tried of seeing the science of it? Like how it works? It should really support (or defunct) your argument if can find out how. From an engineering (chemical) point of view, the waves emitted by most if not all modern phones are simply too "fat" to hit an atom, make it lose an electron, turn it into a radical, have it attack a molecule say DNA and cause cancer due to damage. You need waves from the UV spectra, which have "thin" wavelengths and high energy, for that and most if not all phones use waves from the opposite side of the visible light spectra, such as microwaves, which means their frequency and thus energy carried is actually less than that of visible light.

Thermodynamics, reaction kinetics, wave physics and the like simply states that it far far too unlikely to happen so there is minimal risk (I cannot say no risk because as a principle as you cannot remove risk but the risk is so small that it can be neglected)

Hope this is some help. Good luck with the paper!

Aoko is in the EX episode.

I STRONGLY suggest downloading them in higher quality. It's totally worth it, especially for the intro. At low res, you can miss a lot of the dancers and stuff in the back. Also, make sure you get the Ilya's Castle episode.

"Love is like a flower. Even the most beautiful one dies." Damn.

Rest in Peace, Mr. Stick.

Damn man, this was sad and depressing... but also very touching (and it's rare for me to be touched like that).

RIP Stick; you've lived your life as much as possible.

This is what the world should be like, support and love.

A really heart-warming story, man. And good on you for being there for that poor woman.

Rest in peace, Stick.

This story is incredible, indeed not something you meet often. People dying - you never recognize that happening until it happens to you, that's one.
Two is, existence of love like that. For quite a while I've been in search for the "true" love - just to get my face shoved against how improbable that is. Not the kind of love where you seem attracted to each other and just bang together for a while, the kind of love where you two are all there for each other and you don't need anything but yourselves.
Withdrawal would be the only part of it that comes worse than that of "normal" love, but it would be just weird if it passed like nothing. Mrs. Cynthia was lucky to have found this one.

It's so damn rare that recently I almost gave up on it. If this story isn't made up, then you have my thanks for proving me wrong and giving me some confidence.

P.S. You can be proud of yourself, too. Not everyone would go ahead and talk to stranger, not to mention help one.

(funny. I thought I replied earlier)

Elf, Pulse, Kotonoha, Roadbuster, thank you all for the welcome. I'm glad to be back.