Depletion_Garden

If it isn't figuratively shit, it's literally shit.

Choose wisely.

I think it is a pretty well established fact that I am perpetually constipated. If not, then well. I am perpetually constipated.

Then my mom was all like, drink this. It will help.

Now I'm perpetually shitting my guts out.

Some middle ground would be nice. Why is this world so full of extremists?

So I was in Melbourne for a week. Before I flew, my internet went down but I was all like, fuck it. It would come back to kick me in the arse and cement the fact I already knew that Malaysian ISPs are arseholes and need yelling at to do their jobs.

But yes I was in Melbourne. Where I went explicitly to drink beer and eat oysters. I did both.

I had these small Coffin Bay oysters. Small they may have been, but they were actually kinda chewy - I reckon the small size creating ...

I eat vegetables and drink water and yet I'm so constipated. Fuck my colon. Fuck my life. Fuck this gay earth.

So I was at a noodle shop. Eating my noodles and drinking my iced milk tea when my glass randomly exploded. Thankfully not with the force of a frag grenade. Though glass got in my noodles and I almost gored my gums, but the glass fragment met my teeth first, so I got out of that unscathed.

Probably something to do with how they make their iced milk tea. They probably poured piping hot tea over ice into the glass, and the mix of temperatures had thoroughly fucked the glass over time. ...