Depletion_Garden

I eat vegetables and drink water and yet I'm so constipated. Fuck my colon. Fuck my life. Fuck this gay earth.

So I was at a noodle shop. Eating my noodles and drinking my iced milk tea when my glass randomly exploded. Thankfully not with the force of a frag grenade. Though glass got in my noodles and I almost gored my gums, but the glass fragment met my teeth first, so I got out of that unscathed.

Probably something to do with how they make their iced milk tea. They probably poured piping hot tea over ice into the glass, and the mix of temperatures had thoroughly fucked the glass over time. ...

I had a really hot curry the other day. And thought of my fire shits. So I was like oh no, I'm not letting this happen again. But what can I do?

So I drank a mug of milk after that curry.

It worked. Happiness.

Oh hey its a blog. Time to livejournal this shit up. With some shit talk.

Literally.

The other day. I was like having a firey shit. Repeatedly. With each shit, the skin on my sphincter was slowly burned away and it just got more and more painful. I swear. It felt like shitting a mixture of lava, rock salt and iron filings.

I need a bacta infusion up the arsehole.

I wonder if there's some way to neutralize firey shits before they come out. Drink ...