View RSS Feed

The Vague Rants of Vagrant

Have you ever danced so balls to the walls that your balls were to the floor?

Rating: 2 votes, 5.00 average.
15 Comments
by
Vagrant
, February 6th, 2015 at 05:30 PM (4059 Views)
So I went dancing at a Thai ladyboy nightclub tonight, because I am the one wingman to rule them all. I spent 4 the late night dancing so energetically that I was actually dripping sweat all over the floor. And at the two hour mark horror set in. I did a low dance move and my pants tore from inner crotch to rear. While being commando.

In such a scenario of adversity many men would fold, but not I, your faithful wandering homeless bum. I kept dancing for 2 more hours, risking time in a Thai prison for indecent exposure so that a man I met 18 hours prior could get laid. And yes, my genitalia may have brushed the dance floor more than once that night. They were certainly on display for anyone watching hard enough.

Which brings me to the second, more odd section of my tale. So I'm saying goodnight to the woman I've been dancing with all night and organising a date for tomorrow when a guy comes up to us and tells us he's a professional poker player who peoplewatches in his spare time to hone his observational skills. Total OCD type of guy.

Anyway, he tells us there were 9 couples and 16 single people who didn't manage to pair up on the dancefloor that night, and then asks us how long we've been together, because we were by far the best there and dancing so in sync with each other that his original estimation had been that we'd been dating for years. Apparently, seeing us parting ways afterwards threw him for a loop and he needed to confirm with us how long exactly we'd known each other because we were totally fucking with his math.

Moral of the story: the power of dance is a wonderful thing. Also now more Thai ladyboys have seen my balls than a beaver has hot meals.

Final twist in the tale: My buddy failed to pick up the girl he was scoping and then after failing to pull any Thai ladies I pulled him on the dancefloor and within a minute he was macking on a Thai girl who had been incredibly receptive to anyone dancing with her.

I'll let you know tomorrow whether she has a penis or not, because I was unable to confirm it tonight.

Best Wingman or Worst Wingman?
Categories
Uncategorized

Comments

  1. Strife ❤️'s Avatar
    Are you going to sleep with a Ladyboy
  2. Vagrant's Avatar
    Not tomorrow, at the very least. If it does happen, BL will probably be the first to know, in all honesty.

    Tomorrow is a Texan cougar, you decide if that's better or worse than a Thai ladyboy.
  3. SeiKeo's Avatar
    Anyway, he tells us there were 9 couples and 16 single people who didn't manage to pair up on the dancefloor that night, and then asks us how long we've been together, because we were by far the best there and dancing so in sync with each other that his original estimation had been that we'd been dating for years. Apparently, seeing us parting ways afterwards threw him for a loop and he needed to confirm with us how long exactly we'd known each other because we were totally fucking with his math.
    ​.
  4. Vagrant's Avatar
    It was super creepy to know he'd been watching us all night :/
  5. You's Avatar
    You reckon he was checking you out and that asking about the dating thing was to see if you were available?
  6. Imperial's Avatar
    Vagrant's same-sex pickup game is incredible.
  7. Vagrant's Avatar
    If he was trying to scope out the relationship status he sure had one of the most convoluted ways of going about it.

    It's good for my ego to assume that he wanted me so sure, we'll go with that.
  8. Imperial's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Vagrant
    If he was trying to scope out the relationship status he sure had one of the most convoluted ways of going about it.

    It's good for my ego to assume that he wanted me so sure, we'll go with that.
    That's usually how it goes.

    There was one particular roommate I lived with for two years, and we were mistaken for a couple almost every time we happened to go downtown or show up to a party together. One of the weirder moments was some guy coming over to us at a bar ask us how long we had been together in what was pretty clearly a fishing expedition. When we told him we weren't gay, he was disappointed and vanished for five minutes. Then he came back over and invited us to the table he had with his gay friends and two straight girls who spent the rest of the night hitting on us. I dated the one who was hitting on me for a few weeks.

    Then she suddenly stopped returning my calls and blocked me on Facebook. Never figured out what brought that on
  9. Apple's Avatar
    Congratulations on bragging rights, did he ever tell you why he was looking for hookups there of all places though
    Updated February 7th, 2015 at 02:11 PM by Apple
  10. Vagrant's Avatar
    I have no bragging rights. I danced with a woman for a few hours and a guy thought we'd been together a long time. Despite what the internet may think, men and women dancing together is not an uncommon thing. And being in sync with the music is just about feeling it, not something that actually requires skill.
  11. Vagrant's Avatar
    Also, any bragging would be offset by the whole "inadvertently revealing my totally unremarkable penis to a club of ladyboys" thing, which is the more amusing part of the story and thus clearly more important.
  12. Apple's Avatar
    I meant bragging rights on being to a Thai ladyboy club.

    I'll show myself out ):
    Updated February 7th, 2015 at 02:25 PM by Apple
  13. Vagrant's Avatar
    O I C. In that case, yes, I have bragging rights.

    If you ever get the chance then go to a ladyboy show. They're quite amusing.
  14. Christemo's Avatar
    Thai people are just all really nice. Unless they try to mug you.
  15. Vagrant's Avatar
    Yeah, they're lovely. Some of them get a bit grabby when drunk though, as I discovered on this particular night.