Elf's Random Musings

So I finally get some time to write tonight, and I start up the story for the third and final anthology that I'm aiming for in this current crop. The theme is "Psycho Cinema". Considering Scream Queen is about Forest trying to see "Evil Dead 2" on opening night, I figured this story should be about her trying to see "Army of Darkness".

Just nothing ever goes easy for Forest. Ever.

Any comments or criticism will be welcomed. Now, please note this is a very rough draft of the story. Thanks for playing, and be sure to keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times.



Edwin Buchannan sighed to himself and idly looked at his watch. His wife, Gwen, was currently taking one of five bathroom breaks before the movie started. The painting of Orson Wells upon a part of a wall that wasn’t tan nor gray or covered by violet velour panels almost made him jump. The painting had been there for years, and on the opposite wall there was a painting of Robert DeNiro during his Taxi Driver days looking all kinds of crazy. However for whatever reason it was always Orson that made him jolt out of his seat.

Lying beside Edwin’s feet was a neon green fluorescent print out with Bruce Campbell’s iconic chin larger than life in blurry gray scale. The one hand replaced with a chainsaw and the other holding the shotgun was all Edwin needed to know what the Stockman Blvd. Theater was showing tonight as part of their Midnight Movie series. The Stockman was the couple’s favorite local theater; they often shunned larger multiplexes for the smaller, indie theater due to its eclectic fare and the Midnight Movies.

Army of Darkness was part of the Stockman’s The Return of the Revengeining of the Son of the Grindhouse Movie series. Each Summer the theater would, every two weeks, show nerd classics at midnight to a nearly sold out crowd. Sometimes, like tonight, people would dress up in costume, nothing really spectacular, but it was always in good fun. Later on this Summer Edwin was hoping to pull out his fluorescent light umbrella and brown trench coat for a special showing of one of his favorite movies.

He preferred sci-fi. Gwen liked horror. However Bruce and the Army of Darkness were classics that couldn’t be missed.

A couple of minutes passed and he pulled out his smart phone to log into Facebook to announce where he was at and what he was about to see. A familiar chime from the soundtrack of his favorite video game series announced that he had a text message. A few passes of nimble fingertips over a smudged screen brought up the message.

At 11:32 Gwen Buchannan had texted, “Hail to the king baby.”

He chuckled, put his phone on silent, and slid it back into the pouch on his waist. Then he stretched out his long legs and even bigger feet to wait for his wife’s return. Another few moments passed, and he scowled as he checked his watch. She probably got distracted by something shiny, he thought before adjusting his glasses as he scanned the crowd for a familiar head of coppery red. Once his search had proved useless, he sighed, brought out his phone and rapidly moved his fingers over the screen.

Are you dropping a duce?

He chuckled at his message before hitting SEND. The phone buzzed slightly as it sent its message and he held his phone, eagerly waiting a reply. Edwin adjusted himself in his seat when a familiar voice snapped, “You ass.” Then a smallish fist hit his bicep with surprising force as he looked up into a narrowed pair of green eyes behind wire rim glasses.

Edwin grinned, widened his eyes, and asked, “What is it, dear?”

“Dropping a duce? Fucking ass. What time is it anyway,” the petite redhead asked as she slid into the seat beside him, creating a wave of destruction that almost knocked her oversize purse to the ground.

He raised an eyebrow at her and replied, “You know, I got you this magical thing called a ‘cell phone’. You can press a button so it lights up and tells you the time.”

“Well, if it was working then I would have bloody done that then, retard,” Gwen said as her nostrils flared and she pulled her phone out of her pocket.

Edwin stared at the black screen before taking it from a tiny hand. His nimble fingers hit the buttons on the side, but nothing would bring the thing back to life. “You just charged this, the battery should have enough power for like days,” he said with a frown. Gwen was an oddity, someone in the 21^st Century who refused to have a Smart Phone.

“It was weird, the lights in the bathroom flickered on then . . .” Gwen began as suddenly the already dim lights of the theater went completely black. Automatically, Edwin pushed his phone to get the screen on, but there was no response. Curses and cries filled the theater.

Only the crimson glow of the Exit sign provided any illumination.

Said exit door leading outside swung open with a crash, and light flooded the room again. Black spots appeared in Edwin’s vision as it felt like someone was driving needles into his eyes. A grip like iron closed over his forearm, but he ignored it as he looked at his wife. Gwen clutched his arm, her freckled face was even paler than normal. He reached out and stroked her silken hair with a smile, “Just some power spike, sweetheart, you’re okay.”

Gwen looked up at him and replied in a low voice, “Ed, we need to get out of here. Now.”

“Why?” Edwin asked with a frown.

Nails dug into his arms as Gwen took a deep breath and stood up, tugging him up with her. “Because I have a bad feeling about this,” she said as her eyes drifted to the stage below the screen.

He spun around to see what the hell had his wife so spooked was going on when he noticed the three lean and punk leather clad types guarding the door. Standing in front of the screen was a cutting figure with cheekbones sharp enough to cut paper, glowing eyes like rubies, and canines that were more at home on a wild animal than a person. He was dressed in leather pants and a leather biker jacket with a myriad of chains, snaps, buckles, and studs with his hands on slim hips. Neon blue hair hung in his face while what look like black velvet clutched his scalp.

He snapped clawed fingers and said in a thick British accent, “Look at what we got here, ladies and gents.”

Someone stood up and asked, “What the fuck is going on?”

Edwin heard more shuffling behind him and turned around to see six others dressed like the guy on stage emerge from the theater entrance before standing on it. They sported the same glowing red eyes and fangs ensemble as well. Edwin wrapped his arms tightly around his wife and started to put himself in front of her. Gwen held up her chin but she was shaking like a leaf. Hell, Edwin thought, so am I.

“Vampires,” Gwen said in a low voice.

“Right you are, my soulless tart,” the vampire on stage said as one of the three that came in through the outside exit walked to the first row. This one was a vamp in the literal since; she was dressed in a corset with silky black hair trailing to her knees. Her eerie eyes flickered over the people cowering before her, a mix of hipsters and nerds who were ready to worship at the alter of Bruce.

The vamp smiled as she picked up a girl in her late teens that should not have worn fishnet stockings and a miniskirt. The girl squealed as she was hoisted onto the stage. A dead Iphone was clutched in one plump palm. The vampire on stage picked up the phone before shattering it between his fingers. Hundreds of shards of metal and glass floated to the ground before he brushed his hands clean.

He snapped his fingers and said, “Now go ahead and try your phones, that’s it, go and try to get a bit of help.” The movie goers scrambled to pull out cell phones in a variety of types, brands, and ages. Edwin watched as everyone who had a cell, like Gwen and him, realize that they were suddenly DOA.
With a smile, the Brit grabbed the now sobbing girl’s shoulders before nuzzling back brittle hair that may have been teal at one point. Large, white fangs were flashed before the audience before sinking carefully into exposed arteries. Edwin’s heart was thundering in his ears as the girl’s eyes rolled up in the back of her head and she started to gasp in ways that he didn’t associate with gut wrenching terror.

As they watched, her cries became louder and more impassioned before she slumped into the lead vampire’s arms. As her movement began to cease her skin became paler and paler, until it had a blue cast to it. The audience gasped as the girl’s body slumped and then crashed onto the stage in front of the screen. A bead of garnet was licked off the corner of a swollen mouth with an obscene tongue as the vampire’s eyes glowed brighter and color filled his cheeks.

“Welcome to Fright Night,” he said with a chuckle before nudging the girl with the toe of his boot and locking eyes with Gwen, “For real.”

The female smiled, crimson eyes glowing, and she said, “And some of you will get to do what every young American should get the chance to do. Die young and stay pretty.”

“Well, after we gorge ourselves first,” the lead vampire said with a smile as the vampires closed in on them, purposely blocking all exits.

Edwin whispered, “What do we do?”

“Pray,” Gwen said as screams filled the theater.