The Good Old Days
by
, February 7th, 2013 at 09:21 PM (3225 Views)
You know what this world needs? Witch hunts.
Witch hunts were, in retrospect, a fantastic form of justice in that they let you destroy the life of basically anyone around you with nothing but a faked seizure and a generally innocent demeanor.
I am, physically, a fairly unimposing specimen, and so I've always felt my ability to randomly inflict terror and suffering has been unfortunately limited. But in a system of justice based around witch hunts, I could basically annihilate anyone I wanted just by virtue of the fact that I don't look like someone who would do that. I just roll around and say I'm cursed and had a dream of the glowing evil eyes of that one douchebag insurance guy who won't stop calling, and boom! He is being drowned.
There will have to be some new rules, instituted, of course. For starters, I'm clearly not a witch, and under the code of laws I have planned, anyone who tries to accuse me of being a witch will immediately be declared a Super-Witch, for whom the punishment will be (and I mean this literally) blood-curdling. Also, I think I should get more free ice cream. That has nothing to do with witches, I just like ice cream.
Sounds good, right? Let's get started on this.