Imperial Privilege

I generally try not to drink if I can help it. I came to college at 17 and didn't touch alcohol until I was 19, at which point I drank all of my friends under the table with a bunch of flavored Schnapps because we were underage and it was the best we could do. I never really learned how to have a few drinks responsibly, as the college setting gives rise to drinking games and drinking contests and just generally trying to ingest as much booze as possible before you drop.

These days, I wouldn't characterize myself as sober, but I avoid alcohol most of the time. When I start drinking, I keep going until I am so drunk that I stop having fun.

So I had a few mojitos at a house party last night. I was surprised at my own restraint. I spent a few hours sobering up and drinking a lot of water, and I went home to have an incredibly bizarre dream.

The boss I don't really like at my day job called me into his office and handed me a large chunk of bone roughly the same size and shape as an adult human's hip bone. Even in my dream, I realized this was weird and started to suspect he was using me to hide evidence of a murder. So I asked him where he got it. He got a little embarrassed and told me that was a tooth that had fallen out that morning. He had fallen behind on his brushing and flossing, you see. To prove the point, he cracked a big, wide grin to show me a mouthful of rotten, misshapen teeth that were too big to fit inside of a human jaw and caked in the kind of grime you might see on a neglected car engine.

The smell was just about to hit me when I woke up.

I'll have to ask my friend what she put in those mojitos.