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Moczo

The Good Old Days

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by
Moczo
, February 7th, 2013 at 09:21 PM (3224 Views)
You know what this world needs? Witch hunts.

Witch hunts were, in retrospect, a fantastic form of justice in that they let you destroy the life of basically anyone around you with nothing but a faked seizure and a generally innocent demeanor.

I am, physically, a fairly unimposing specimen, and so I've always felt my ability to randomly inflict terror and suffering has been unfortunately limited. But in a system of justice based around witch hunts, I could basically annihilate anyone I wanted just by virtue of the fact that I don't look like someone who would do that. I just roll around and say I'm cursed and had a dream of the glowing evil eyes of that one douchebag insurance guy who won't stop calling, and boom! He is being drowned.

There will have to be some new rules, instituted, of course. For starters, I'm clearly not a witch, and under the code of laws I have planned, anyone who tries to accuse me of being a witch will immediately be declared a Super-Witch, for whom the punishment will be (and I mean this literally) blood-curdling. Also, I think I should get more free ice cream. That has nothing to do with witches, I just like ice cream.

Sounds good, right? Let's get started on this.
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Comments

  1. Seika's Avatar
    But the last Prices Negotiable was about witches. You need to move on, Moczo.
  2. Theocrass's Avatar
    Truly, Moczo-nii is the wisest sage.

    BURN THE WITCHES

    (Incidentally, you should maybe add a rule where Hispanic bears are given free burgers wherever they go? It will help them sniff out witches)
  3. Raven2785's Avatar
    I for one support this noble and almighty endeavor *grabs pitchfork and torch* I call any company exec who decides of putting a machine on the tech support number as being a witch.
  4. Kieran's Avatar
    I do feel kind of cheated that I lack the ability to call up witch hunts - my childhood would've been a lot more pleasant. After all, to quote Two and a Half Men, "Historically speaking, people like me have been victims and food."

    So I'm in - where do we start?
  5. Theocrass's Avatar
    Wait, I'm a large, brutish-looking Mexican bear. Does that mean you're going to call a witch hunt on me? ;n;
  6. RadiantBeam's Avatar
    Oh God, what do our text message conversations give birth to.
  7. Tiresias's Avatar
    Witch hunt. ... For a minute I thought it was b instead of w
    Updated February 7th, 2013 at 10:01 PM by Tiresias
  8. Kieran's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Theocrass
    Wait, I'm a large, brutish-looking Mexican bear. Does that mean you're going to call a witch hunt on me? ;n;
    Only if you decide to start picking on me. As an instigator of witch hunts, I am a rabidly zealous enforcer of (mob) justice, after all.
  9. Aiden's Avatar
    ... Beam, what did you say to him.
  10. ZidanReign's Avatar
    I manipulate Technology, does this make me a Witch?
  11. Heroslayer's Avatar
    ... Mozco, did you watch or read the Crucible lately?

    And no. Bad Mozco. The witch hunts were terrible.

    Not because they killed lots of innocent people, but they failed to kill many (if any at all) witches.

    And just because, Mozco, you are a witch!
  12. ZidanReign's Avatar
    The Crucible is great.

    But nothing beats Death of a Salesman.
  13. Kotonoha's Avatar
    In a sense, witch hunts do exist in the modern world. For example, consider the "Satanic panic" of the 1980s, whic--

    --oh wait this is a juvenile power fantasy thread and not a politics thread, never mind
  14. Moczo's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Kotonoha
    In a sense, witch hunts do exist in the modern world. For example, consider the "Satanic panic" of the 1980s, whic--

    --oh wait this is a juvenile power fantasy thread and not a politics thread, never mind
    Witch.
  15. ZidanReign's Avatar
    /torch

    Burn the Witch.

    (I'm sorry Koto =3=, you we're one of favorites here)
  16. drmchsr0's Avatar
    A witch hunt, eh? Well then! Let's toss our witches into a pool and see if they float, LIKE WOOD!
  17. Enhance's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by drmchsr0
    A witch hunt, eh? Well then! Let's toss our witches into a pool and see if they float, LIKE WOOD!
    Or very small rocks!