Arch-Magos Winter

Originally Posted by Arch-Magos Winter

Welcome to FFD: The Drinking Game/Review! Tonight, we're going to cover the first chapter.

And the drinking game is...

Take a shot every time you see "..."

Seriously. Fucking seriously. 122 of them. IN THE FIRST FUCKING CHAPTER.

Anyway, on to the nitty gritty. First paragraph isn't all that engaging, but I have problems with that myself. I'm not going to nit pick it for that. Blah blah blah exposition - wait. What the fuck?

Originally Posted by Thirdfang

If one were to see him three years ago, they would have seen a cold calculating man. Emotionless, efficient, precise, ruthless… it would not be far from the truth to call him a monster in some ways. He weighed all lives on the scale of necessity, taking all into consideration and always tipping it so that the least amount of lives was lost. In doing so however, he paved a path of blood for himself that few could hope to match. A master of subterfuge and war tactics, and a practitioner of thaumaturgy, otherwise known as magic.

The utter fuck is 'war tactics?'

Moving on. Blah blah blah more exposition AKA recap of what happened in Fate/Zero. And then the whole premise of this hits. Due to magical moonbeams (I assume) Kiritsugu starts seeing the events of Fate/Stay Night in madcap order. And how does Third depict such a mindfucking event that would make anyone question what type of mushrooms they had on their pizza?

Fucking italicized (Bolded here because quotes automatically do this) lines from the game. No descriptions of scenes. He says he sees them and sort of distantly, but still. Just. Fucking. Lines.

Originally Posted by Thirdfang

Gae Bo…
I ask… Are… master?
Ex… ber!
The images and voiced slowly fogged his mind as if he was barely watching several movies at once and half the scenes were out of order. The actors and effects barely registering as he switched from one scene to another… however as he continued to watch with increasing interest, the voices and images gradually cleared…
Sakura! Wh… happened to you?
…ave to keep her away from Zoken, otherwise he'll just use her and cause more damage.
… the temple! We have to stop him before he completes the ritual!
Trace… on.
… -less battles, meaningless war, meaningless happiness! This isn't what I became a hero for!
… ot! You've been making your nervous system into makeshift circuits every time you used magic? Do you even know how to use the circuits you already have?
…er should have been the one to survive. At lease he knew how the world worked and wasn't a fool… even if he was a faker like you…
No… even in his dreams… this was too real… it couldn't be possible… he had made sure that the leylines of prana in the area would be destroyed in the next 40 years… 20 years before the next war should start… but then how is HE still here?
I am the bone of my sword…
Helo Oni-chan… it's nice to finally meet you in person… Berserker…
Rejoice young man… your wish will finally be granted…

(I probably just killed all of you playing the drinking game with that quote.)

Tell, don't show at it's finest folks.

Anyway, blah blah blah Kiritsugu shows Shirou how to properly use his circuits. Which is both logical and fits with Kiritsugu's character. Remember this, because it is the last time I'll ever give that compliment to Third.

BECAUSE HE FUCKS IT UP IN THE SAME CHAPTER. Instead of, you know, checking out the Church to see if Kotomine did somehow survive after the visions started getting clearer like Kiritsugu WOULD do (And packing his Contender if the answer is yes), he decides to hurry up and wait.


OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Admittedly, aside from some faults, there is nothing glaringly wrong with this chapter. Grammar and spelling is hit and miss at some points, but I'm giving Third the benefit of the doubt on this one, and guessing he didn't have a beta at this point. The story is not destined for shit yet, but its not primed for greatness. Overall: Meh. I'd read the next couple of chapters to see if something interesting happens.