IRUn's House of Whatever

Bly bwhoa myouff dis wummb maynd zworren. By gann bwawewy mumble, let awoon pweak goheerandlee blecuz zide pwom da aplorementiiund wummbness bly myouff dis wyrd almost kumplty shtttt. Bym pwagged wif mon-amen/moff-amen nautha bwecuz by wuz whit ahp whit so mych anessdeseeuh. By chan monlee schmidt upryt. Swaring bis uhmst mpozzibl. Biff by myouff wznt nntrly oid f flling byid prblyb tstn blood ryt naow, zo mch uf yt kps mxn wiff my zaliva. Du vamileez eoten hawt, greezee brrgrrs rut een fruntoffmee. And I'mon furr difnt rugss ryt naow, nt ncldeen bly noozual ovrdakntr llergy mmmdkashun. Yet nspytoff zatt, vrythngz prcedn wiffen epetashuns, thnfuly.My whole mouth is numb and swollen. I can barely mumble, let alone speak coherently because aside from the aforementioned numbness my mouth is wired almost completely shut. I'm plagued with on again/off again nausea because I was hit up with so much anesthesia. I can only sit upright. Swallowing is almost impossible. If my mouth wasn't entirely void of any feeling I'd probably be tasting blood right now, so much of it keeps mixing with my saliva. The family is eating hot, greasy burgers right in front of me. And I'm on four different drugs right now, not including my usual over-the-counter allergy medication. Yet in spite of that, everything is proceeding within expectations, thankfully.

Ladies and gentlemen, let the festivities commence. There will be doughnut and sausage egg smoothies.