I Kinda Hate Tobias
by
, January 6th, 2015 at 12:06 AM (4558 Views)
So I'm watching RAW right now. Also I just found out that my D in Spanish class wasn't enough to get me into the next course in the series so I might graduate late, I'm still suicidal, my job prospects aren't exactly fantastic, I'm still single, and so on.
And yet my primary concern is, in fact, that I am sitting here watching WWE's Monday Night RAW.
This is not to say that it's a universally negative experience. I.e., the Ambulance Match just now between Bray Wyatt and Dean Ambrose was decent.
But even as I was typing that, the next match, a tag bout betwixt the Usos and Miz and his "stunt double" Damien Sandow - which I was about to list as a conditional positive - ended in a stupid roll-up off a stupid distraction.
That wasn't even the stupidest part of the night thus far. For instance, here comes Ryback (actually I've decided I sorta like him....I feel weird typing that), or just almost anything involving the female wrestlers - sorry, "Divas".
Why the hell (geddit) is Kane out here?! Oh Christ, they're changing the rules again. Kane used to be cool. Vince McMahon is truly shit at this.
I'm pretty sure there's not much of a pro wrestling fanbase on Beast's Lair. So I'll make it relevant by saying that I keep rolling around the idea of writing a Fate/zer0 fanfic in which everyone is a wrestler.
Shortly after I started trying to think this concept out, I found Fight/Knight, a story retelling the Fifth Holy Grail War as a comparatively mundane boxing tournament. It's pretty awesome; one thing that stood out to me was that it felt like the author (Tobias, hence the title up there) really seemed to know what they were talking about, and wrote fight sequences with incredible detail. And it quickly reminded me that I'm a shitty writer who doesn't know that much about pro wrestling and couldn't even hope to do the concept any kind of justice. And in the almost a year since, I've periodically come back to the concept as that knowledge has grown; and every time, I see Fight/Knight and nope, still just not feeling it like that.
So kids, if you have ambitions, shut your eyes and ears to the world. You'll get farther.
Oh and look, three black guys getting beaten up because the WWE is racist. Yay, 2015! Christ, I can't even wait for Vince to retire so HHH can take over. If the man can make NXT what it is, I'm good and ready to trust him with RAW and Smackdown!. And as I post this The Authority and John Cena are presumably ending the show with a 15 minute promo because who watches World Wrestling Entertainment's product to be entertained by wrestling? Obviously shitty writing and storytelling of an outdated concept from the Attitude Era with a fucking action figure as the hero and MINIMAL FUCKING WRESTLING is what we're here for!
Bleh. I'm rambling angrily now and that's not a good place to be. Later.