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The 2014 Extra Grail Fanfiction Challenge War of...Greatness, or something. 2/2

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Wow did not think I typed that much. Anyway this is the rest of the stuff.

El Melloi II Faction

Maid Golem. Moeko because we call her Moe Blob and Ko means yeah. Anyway thanks to Apo she has a name now starting with T that I don’t remember and will not try to translate. She being Moe blob was meant to be a surprise since she would look human and act like one of Waver’s apprentices. Also she would have used a Volumen that Waver had created. So yeah Moe Blob using Moe Blob was her thing.
She’s the opposite to Ilsa. Even if she can use magecraft because a circuit was implanted into her, she doesn’t think of herself as a magus because she’s not human. Other than that she was supposed to randomly talk about “John Conner,” her special person.

So El-Melloi II would be going through a mid-life crisis here. He’s leading his students to death and they’re actually dying. Luvia is fighting on the other side and killed one of this former students, Flatt is going insane slowly, Rin is trying her best but failing and losing hope, Bram is missing, Layneth is here, and it’s basically up to him to keep everything together. So Waver’s story is about him questioning his worth as a professor as a teacher, and what being a teacher means. He finds that at the end when he goes to a bar and meets Taiga again for the first time in 20 years and they talk about what it means to be a teacher and reminisce about the events of the Drama CD where Taiga meets Alex and Waver. So Waver questioning his self-worth and new person as the story goes along.
He would have this nifty Conceptual Weapon that uses Volumen called the Gordian Knot that one of his students made him. It’s a conceptual weapon that borrows the concept of the Gordian Knot, a knot of complete binding. And it can only be undone/cut by the one who will conquer Asia. So it applies the legend retroactively so only people who have conquered Asia can cut the rope, basically Alex and whoever conquered Asia.

Layneth, Reines whatever. So when Volume 3 came out I got hit in the headcanon hard. Either way originally I had Layneth as a sadist who did good things so she could see how much better she was than everyone else. Like working in a soup kitchen, but only doing so you can confirm to yourself that your life is so much better and stuff like that. So she was not the haughty lady like Luvia is but more of a angelic person who does all these things for entirely the wrong reason and the only person who sees through her is Waver because at their core they’re pathetic people.
Magecraft-wise she only had one or two circuits, however she was born with a limit breaking amount of sub-circuits, and could only use these circuits for 3 minutes a day. I stole that from hitman reborn. So for 3 minutes she can rival Lorelei. Fighting wise, she would be like a matrial arts prana bursting style but with Volumen so surrounding her fists legs and what not.
Also because the reason why she was last in line for the Archibald family was because of her circuits. Anyway Apo finished and we learned she likes Led Zepplin and how she doesn’t like Bram or his family. So I guess I could have included this past baggage thing with Bram.

Octavia Leyland, a little footnote in Hollow Ataraxia, I liked her name. The way I made her Leyland refers to her family’s sorcery trait, that when they die they turn into leylines where they’re buried, if it’s a really strong magus they turn into a fallen leyline. They specialize in leyline magecraft which is why Waver was okay with her coming with him. However she herself is also a consecration specialist. Consecration was used by Rin in HF to find Shirou’s element, she would be a competent student of this. And I had it that at higher levels of consecration you can deduct things about a magus by sight and magical energy detection, so power-wise she would oppose Zheng Yu, Eastern leyline, workshop stuff, vs Western leyline, consecration stuff. And they’re both like the navigators of the team.
She would never be around though and it would seem like she had a billion part-time jobs and is basically everywhere at once, she would advise both teams, and have her own agenda.
Personality-wise she just seems like that quirky, sarcastic girl with a ton of part-time jobs however, she believes that the world isn’t real and that magecraft doesn’t actually exist. She puts a lot of stock in protagonists and thinks magi are just extras in the world. She would be the true antagonist of the story.

Older Rin here would pretty much be the same Rin, fašade but is actually nice. However I wanted to show the opposite side of that fašade, that while she can be really nice she’s also human like the rest of us and has a horrible side.
After Fate Route she eventually got Shirou to become her apprentice. However she didn’t expect Luvia and him to get together. She’s jealous of Luvia and that magnifies her “dislike,” for Luvia even more and it becomes something that’s not a gag and something that’s real. In fact in their final battle she ends up killing Luvia and becomes a Rin who has thrown her dignity as a magus away. And in that fashion she fights Zouken and Acht which was my entry.
However she would reconcile with Sakura and Sakura would become someone close to her.
She would use her normal magecraft but her jewels would be dyed in concepts as well. I’m actually very proud of this idea of Rin using concept jewels. In HF, Ilya talks about being able to put people’s minds in jewels and in Fate and UBW Rin talks about being able to put other people’s magical energy as well as other stuff into jewels, so I thought, why not put concepts in and make them like origin bullets? So Rin has 20 jewels each with their own concept. So basically she’s the quality and Luvia is the quantity.

So this Flatt is the Flatt after the Strange Fake War (Again with the connecting canon thing. I guess I just thought canon meant anything that was published). And again I got punched in the headcanon. I was so sure that Strange Fake wasn’t going to be a thing, but it is a thing, and I’m happy about that, but that means this is dead. Either way Flatt and Jack were supposed to stall Jester while Enkidu and A-san were fighting Gil in the Grail Cavern. Jack beats Jester after he uses his Servant destroying thing he talks about in Strange Fake but Assassin comes and beats the both of them and Jester takes Flatt’s magus core thing and uses that. However because of Flatt’s magical attribute Flatt ends up taking control of Jester’s body and he’s now a dead apostle.
Waver ropes him into this war because Flatt has experience in Grail Wars. However that triggers Jester in him and Flatt’s battle is one with himself as a vampire as well the Jester in his brain telling to do stuff. He would have all of Jester’s ability as well as his own “muddling,” attribute. He can muddle magecraft circles, formulas, bounded fields to make them ineffective.
He would fight Forte a lot and always ask Moeko out.

Another OC, one of Waver’s old students and a Grand. He was to die in the first chapter against Luvia. A Somalian Pirate who wanted to become the King of Pirates in Somalia. He’s a very versatile magus able to learn most magecrafts like Rin; however he views magecraft as a means to an end. Therefore he only uses nautical magercraft and astrology. So all his magecraft was going to be from Sailor superstitions and folkore. He would have a cat on board and an actual locker in the ship called “Davy’s Jones’s Locker,” and some other neat sailor things.
His ship was a Japanese trawler he named “Bamboo Broom.”

So Bram was supposed to be the other main character, but there really wasn’t any main characters. Anyway I got punched in the headcanon again since Bram is actually supposed to be a pretty cool dude who’s afraid of Grail Wars and a bit of old fashioned. My Bram was more arrogant, self-important and a siscon. He joined the El-Melloi Faction because of what happened to his sister. He would be a very “hip” magus basically following all the trends in the Clocktower. Like at the time Procne and Philomela were in so he had swallows, nightingales, and hoopoe’s as familiars.
He’s a first-class magus with a giant magical energy storage so he basically makes familiars and maintains them. His greatest work is this chimera he named Ammut like the Egyptian God thing because Egyptian stuff was in that month, and it converts souls into magical energy for its use.
At the beginning he’s very Kayneth and he’s the Gordes of the story. He believes that he’s the best because of his status as well as his abilities, but Zouken wrecks him showing him that raw power means nothing destroying all his familiars. Bram loses one of his arms and is sent down the Miongawa before Zouken can finish him and Minori, Ayako’s brother finds them and they help him out. He stays with them learns that he should do things that he enjoys. Ayako teaches him about Archery and he falls for her. It was very cute in my head.
Either way he kills his father at the end.
Magecraft wise after his stay at the Mitsuzuri house he constructs a new arm for himself. Going off the Nuada in his name I decided to call it that. It’s made with the remains of Ammut and basically converts souls to magical energy. And then El-Melloi II came out with that soul eating scythe. Anyway going one step further I was going to take Blackmore’s bird theory about souls and apply that to the arm as well so the bird familiars would be the magical energy supplies for the arm. And the inspiration for this was the biribiri Railgun. Just that this wasn’t a rail gun, it was slamming the energy of a ton of souls into a piece of metal, propelling it.
John Smith. Final OC. I decided to make Jewel Killer into an inherited family name because I just liked the attribute. John is the failure of the Jewel Killer family, he can’t use their magecraft. However, he really likes magecraft. Like he just really enjoys magecraft, its formulas, its mechanics. So he practices it anyway hoping one day to get to the Root just like any other magus. Concept-wise he was the opposite to Sakura who despises magecraft, also those who use magecraft as a tool, he’s more of an academic. He doesn’t actually want to get to the Root he just wants to enjoy magecraft. But he can only use very basic magecraft.
His origin is inert which means he can’t be detected by other magi, and his attribute is the same as the other Jewel Killer magi, halting. His element is ether though, and that lets him make bounded fields where no one can use magecraft while inside, because the ether and magical energy is halted. The magical formulas won’t activate, everything. So while he’s a guy who really loves magecraft, his talent is stopping magecraft and disallowing its use. For that reason he’d make a great magus killer, but since he loves magecraft he won’t use it until he has no other choice. Losing in an honest magecraft duel thing would be better than having to use this ability.
He is killed by Forte in a conceptual fight, where she makes the magical energy and ether flow with her final sword. So flow vs inert.
He also helps Sakura overcome her hatred of magecraft.
He’s helping Waver because his family owes Waver but they don’t want to send someone competent.


Taiga is an important character even if she’s not directly involved. She’s older now and has a child with Reikan. Her child is a Holy Child but she doesn’t know that and neither does Reikan. I figured the Tiger of Fuyuki and the Ryuudouji priest would have this super baby. Anyway she’s the person who connects everyone, she has interactions with Ilsa, Luvia, Rin, Sakura later on, she helps Waver.

So yeah that was a long post and what the story was going to be about but since El-Melloi II Chronicles and Strange Fake are things, too bad. At least spring is coming.

Updated February 4th, 2015 at 09:43 PM by You



  1. Rafflesiac's Avatar

    There a lot of ideas there, and most of them seem really interesting.

    Humorously enough, the only reason I attributed Breakdown to you was the use of ruby-text. I didn't have a strong grasp of your writing style (despite reading Savior and chunks of Lorelei and the Snow Queen), so I went with the only recognizable factor.
  2. Lycodrake's Avatar
    So thematically, since Shirou's story was about defining "heroism", what would you say this concept focuses on thematically for Rin - if my understanding of her being the "surviving protagonist" is correct?
  3. You's Avatar
    Thematically it focuses of Aria and Bram asking the question "what is a magus?" And it's the journey of these two and how they collect the other character's viewpoints of what defines a magus and then come to their own very different conclusions about the definition of a magus. Their stories run opposite to each other: Aria's is a human becoming a magus, and Bram's is a magus becoming a human. They don't meet in the middle.
    Rin is more like "the application of the ideal magus onto a person," and how that is unstable. Rin was used for the last part because it's a reference to Seig in Apo who is a reference to Rin in the prologue of SN, sort of a deja vu thing.
    Updated February 4th, 2015 at 09:33 PM by You
  4. Lycodrake's Avatar
    Definitely something interesting to explore, though I suppose I'm less in favor of Rin becoming "the ideal magus".
  5. Imperial's Avatar
    There's a lot going on here, and I like it. I especially dig all the magi rivalry going on with things like Acht and Zouken's wildly different ways of pursuing their goals or the Eastern/Western class or the Flow/Inert dichotomy. It's a drag so much had to take off and derail your plans. That's the rub about working with a living franchise, but you could still pull this story off. There are a lot of working parts that could make for a grand story.
  6. You's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Lycodrake
    Definitely something interesting to explore, though I suppose I'm less in favor of Rin becoming "the ideal magus".
    The way I had it Rin doesn't become the ideal magus. Faced with her personal problems and how she's trying to save Fuyuki she tries to adopt the ideal magus personality and ends up bottling in a lot so that at one point she just explodes and she snaps and kills Luvia.
    So Rin as an example of why the Tohsaka motto is an ideal and doesn't work in practice is what I had in my notes.
  7. You's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Imperial
    There's a lot going on here, and I like it. I especially dig all the magi rivalry going on with things like Acht and Zouken's wildly different ways of pursuing their goals or the Eastern/Western class or the Flow/Inert dichotomy. It's a drag so much had to take off and derail your plans. That's the rub about working with a living franchise, but you could still pull this story off. There are a lot of working parts that could make for a grand story.
    Thanks but at least I can recycle the OC's for any RPs if I end up joining one.
  8. Christemo's Avatar
    I would be giga-in for seeing some of this come into fruition in another fic, maybe one for Case Files?

    Pick some mythical location in the world, make up some magecraft stuff or why Magi would be interested in it about it and spice up with a cast of Magi who do their thing to get this macguffin