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EXiku

An End

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by
EXiku
, October 4th, 2016 at 06:52 PM (4955 Views)
Dear All,

Five_X has decided to end his relationship with me. After four years (our opinion differs on our experiences of it) he's decided to end it all, without speaking to me once about it.

To be honest, this relationship has never been as fulfilling as it could be. We had aspirations, but turns out only I ever took them seriously.

He met Glow on here in January. Instead of talking about any problems in our relationship with me - his then fiancee - he disclosed them to Glow and anyone else on this forum - as far as I know. He sought his emotional needs from her. This has been going on for nine months, culminating in a sudden decision to go back to Canada and be closer to her in Ontario. He wonders why I get anxious about him having female friends - this is why; he does not know where to draw the line. I know the same can be said of male friends...but he has an affinity for grasping onto the nearest compassionate woman.

Let me reiterate: not once did he try to speak with me about any problems he perceived in this relationship. I have always made myself available, I have always been supportive, and I have always wanted him to be active in finding a middle ground to our solutions for problems. I was his fiancee and he confided in another woman - and she is married. To my knowledge, neither she nor any of you took a step back and advised that he should speak with me about our relationship troubles before making a decision.

He has belittled me. Made me feel small and insecure. Knowing that he has been having an emotional affair these nine months, I couldn't take anymore.

He will say I threatened to kick him out - I loved him so damn much. For my emotional health and wellbeing, it was the sensible thing to do - if he wanted to leave, I couldn't have him still sleeping in my bed; sitting across from me in the living room; sharing the same roof as my family. Only an emotional masochist would do that.

He will say I hit him - I only grabbed at him because he was walking away while I was talking, and I was emotional due to all of this built up frustration from his conduct and him dropping this on me, just as the prospect of having our own home was becoming very real.

A relationship is a partnership - you get what you put in, but clearly, I was the only one taking this relationship seriously.

I wanted to spend more time together - taking a class or something, just so that we could learn and grow together, nurturing our relationship.

He agreed with me on moving to our own home so that we could be free as a couple, instead of being constrained by my family home.

He wanted to live in the UK so badly and to grow and become a better person - I wanted him to start meeting people, setting down roots and feel more comfortable with the UK being his home. To join a writers club or something, to meet like minded people; to gain the experience he desired - he wasn't going to find it sitting in front of a computer.

His only interest: being on the internet, interacting with you in one way or another.

He only started doing a bit more with me in the last few months, not enough time to gauge our development compared to the rest of our time together.

I have never been as happy as I deserved; while he appeared to have all the happiness in the world.

My message to you all: Please, do not treat relationships like accessories. They need to be nurtured and you need to show mutual respect and support for it to work.

Things I never got out of this relationship.

He decides to sneak away with Leo, leaving only a letter that I will never read on my bed - because, frankly, he should have spoken to me.

This is the last time any of you will see me. I know I haven't been here in the last few years, but seeing Five_X on it so frequently, really put me off.

I know it doesn't seem classy, but I can't have Five_X painting me in an unfair light - not sharing the full picture with you, so that you can make up your minds.

Goodbye.

Updated October 4th, 2016 at 07:16 PM by EXiku

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Comments

  1. Draconic's Avatar
    I have to say, you sound really bitchy in some parts of this, but I can't deny that you've made a fairly good case against the guy. And your grievances are entirely justified. Then again there are three sides to this story:
    Your side, which paints him in a bad light.
    His side, which paints you in a bad light.
    The truth, which just makes everyone look and feel miserable.

    Breakups suck. I'll wish you better luck next time.
  2. EXiku's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Draconic
    I have to say, you sound really bitchy in some parts of this, but I can't deny that you've made a fairly good case against the guy. And your grievances are entirely justified. Then again there are three sides to this story:
    Your side, which paints him in a bad light.
    His side, which paints you in a bad light.
    The truth, which just makes everyone look and feel miserable.

    Breakups suck. I'll wish you better luck next time.
    Thank you for your honest response, but I've tried to give the information as plain as possible. I haven't made anything up, nor omitted things important to the dissolution to our relationship.

    I know you only have my word to go by, and you don't know me, but still I thank you.
  3. Lianru's Avatar
    I haven't talked with you much on BL, but it's always sad to see someone go who you know is well-liked around the community. Circumstances like this make it especially sad.

    The robot in me recommends that you read your letter. No matter how you feel about it, it's always good to hear out the other side of things. Hopefully you find it in your heart to forgive (difficult though it is).

    I wish you the best as you move on.
  4. EXiku's Avatar
    I would have hoped that if these four years meant anything to Five_X at all, that he would have the decency, integrity and respect to end things properly with a fair talk - that's the least that he owes me.

    A letter denies my right to say anything, and I thought my loyalty, love, support, respect and forgiveness would have at least earned me the chance to say my piece in response, face-to-face.


    Quote Originally Posted by Lianru
    I haven't talked with you much on BL, but it's always sad to see someone go who you know is well-liked around the community. Circumstances like this make it especially sad.

    The robot in me recommends that you read your letter. No matter how you feel about it, it's always good to hear out the other side of things. Hopefully you find it in your heart to forgive (difficult though it is).

    I wish you the best as you move on.
  5. Lianru's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by EXiku
    I would have hoped that if these four years meant anything to Five_X at all, that he would have the decency, integrity and respect to end things properly with a fair talk - that's the least that he owes me.

    A letter denies my right to say anything, and I thought my loyalty, love, support, respect and forgiveness would have at least earned me the chance to say my piece in response, face-to-face.
    Oh, I agree. It's more of a,
    "I might as well make the best of what I'm given."
    sort of mentality.

    That's the cold hard unfeeling part of me speaking, anyway. I absolutely understand your reasoning and would probably feel the same in your situation.

    I can't really offer much else to say, but if you need to vent more I'll always be around to listen.
  6. Spinach's Avatar
    Honestly I don't even know how to respond to this turn of events. I've been completely blindsided and don't even know what to think.

    A shame this had to be like this, in many ways.
  7. Sunny's Avatar
    There's always the uncertainty of what might have been said - or written as the case may be. While I think not knowing would nag at me, there's unlikely to be anything satisfying inside, in the end. Whatever might be written was best said in person or not at al and a letter on the bed is a poor compromise between The Talk and skulking away in the night. I totally respect not giving it the upper hand of being a one-sides goodbye.

    Not knowing either of your circumstances in enough detail to judge, I'll just say how sorry I am it didn't work, for whatever reasons it didn't. I'm sure he sees and tells the story differently but what matters is the one each of you take away with you. Try not to let it be one that haunts you and find happiness where you go next.

    I was pretty surprised you aired this here, honestly, but seeing why you decided to at the end explained it... Whatever else anyone thinks about how it comes off, that's brave, since I'd definitely hesitate if it were me, even if I didn't intend to come back.

    I'm sorry things didn't work out. i hope for happiness in the future and it'd be nice to see you again!
  8. ZidanReign's Avatar
    I

    I have no words that can express my feelings at the moment nor do I want to paint ideas of people with any unsavory comments atm.

    But damn.
    Updated October 6th, 2016 at 07:18 AM by ZidanReign
  9. Ivan The Mouse's Avatar
    I don't know what to say right now, but this: What an badly ignoble end to a relationship. And I thought it was going steady.
  10. hero's Avatar
    Damn, woman.

    I pretty much knew you both only by name, but I rooted for you two as a couple. It kinda hurts to see it ended this way.

    I hope you find someone worthy of your love eventually, so your heart can heal.
  11. Lycodrake's Avatar
    Oh. .n.
  12. aldeayeah's Avatar
    I've been on the "demanding an explanation" side before, and, looking back, I think all I wanted was some closure.

    I hope you find a way to move on, either by having that talk or in any other way.