Moczo

Lately, the forum has had an influx of new Mods, and already we can begin to see new life flowing into discussions as peace settles over us. I think we can all agree that Mods are modtastic. But it is also clear that this is only a starting point: Beast's Lair is still plagued by chaos and disorder. Clearly, additional steps must be taken. And thus, it is with firm resolve that I propose to the admins that further authority be added. Clearly, as someone who logs on at least once a week and almost always posts something occasionally sometimes, I must join the ranks of the Mod Squad.

I feel I would be an excellent Mod because I am very fair. As a heartless, amoral tyrant who delights in the suffering of others, I would be sure to punish the guilty and innocent alike. People who were causing trouble, people who were just having nice discussions, people who weren't even online! None would be safe from my random, flailing cruelty. There would be no destructive arguments or hurt feelings from anyone on our fine forum, because when I was online, everyone would be far too afraid to post for fear of catching my eye for even a heartbeat. Each and every person would have a totally fair and balanced chance of being subjected to pointless punishment at my utterly random whims.

Now, of course I understand that mods also have a great many responsibilities, and it is with a heavy heart that I say I really don't feel like doing them this week, please check back later. I swear I'll get to them, though, trust me.

And before you think I'm just seizing power randomly, I should point out I even have a recommendation! One of the current mods has given me her stamp of approval, as the following transcript will show:

Moczo 11:34 pm
Now, about being a mod, like you.
I want to have these powers.
But I don't want like... responsibilities.
So is there some way I can have all the benefits of being a mod without actually doing any work?

RadiantBeam 11:35 pm
No.

Moczo 11:35 pm
What if I promise to only use my powers for evil.

RadiantBeam 11:36 pm
No.

Moczo 11:36 pm
I will always give everyone fair treatment.
I will punish everyone equally, even if they did nothing.

RadiantBeam 11:38 pm
No.
You can't do that.

Moczo 11:38 pm
I don't think I'm explaining this right.
See, I'm saying I will be a heartless, amoral tyrant who abuses the powers I am given without remose.

RadiantBeam 11:39 pm
And that is why you are not being given the powers.

Moczo 11:39 pm
..............
But I want them.

RadiantBeam 11:39 pm
You can't have them without the responsibility.

Moczo 11:39 pm
No, see, I don't want that part.

RadiantBeam 11:41 pm
That's why you can't have it.

Moczo 11:41 pm
... I don't think you quite fully understand.
I'm saying I would like the power to do whatever I want, with no repurcussions.
Cool, right?

RadiantBeam 11:42 pm
Which is why no power for you.

Moczo 11:42 pm
... I don't follow you.

RadiantBeam 11:43 pm
You cannot have the power.
Because you will abuse it.
Understand?

Moczo 11:44 pm
... but I want it.

RadiantBeam 11:44 pm
You can't have things you want sometimes.

Moczo 11:45 pm
... but I want those things.

RadiantBeam 11:46 pm
You cannot always have what you want.

Moczo 11:46 pm
Okay, let me be sure I'm clear when I say I will abuse my powers, I don't mean at you.
I'll only pick on people weaker than myself.
Sorry I didn't make that clear.

RadiantBeam 11:46 pm
Look.
We are given this job specifically because the problem is that right now, people are kicking others who are weaker than them.
This is why you cannot have that job.

Moczo 11:47 pm
That's a lie.
They were kicking their equals.

RadiantBeam 11:48 pm
........ No.

Moczo 11:49 pm
Yes it was. They were all the same rank, nobody had any special powers.

RadiantBeam 11:49 pm
..............................
You don't get how this works, huh.

Moczo 11:50 pm
No, I understand.
The forum was full of people starting fights.
But they were all evenly matched in power and influence. And that's not right.
I want to be a giant among insects.

RadiantBeam 11:52 pm
Why?

Moczo 11:52 pm
So I can lord over the weak, of course.

RadiantBeam 11:52 pm
..................
Okay, let's try this again.

Moczo 11:53 pm
But why?

RadiantBeam 11:53 pm
Do I need to break out the puppets and the charts?

Moczo 11:54 pm
I understand perfectly.
You see, Beast's Lair is full of people who start fights.
But the thing is, all they can really do is endlessly talk and be mean.
They can't really do anything to the people they provoke.

Moczo 11:55 pm
I don't want to be like that. I want to be feared.

RadiantBeam 11:55 pm
...............
But you want to abuse that power?

Moczo 11:56 pm
Well, how else would I inspire fear?

RadiantBeam 11:56 pm
Why do you want them to fear you?

Moczo 11:58 pm
So I can conquer and rule over them as a black god.

RadiantBeam 11:58 pm
............................
We just went over this.

Moczo 11:59 pm
Yeah, and you weren't makin' any sense.

RadiantBeam 11:59 pm
*headdesk*

Moczo 12:00 am
You're acting like my plan to reign over Beast's Lair as a heartless tyrant is somehow bad.

RadiantBeam 12:01 am
It is.

Moczo 12:02 am
................................
How so?

RadiantBeam 12:02 am
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Moczo 12:03 am
I guarantee that I would keep order in the forum better than anyone.
Whenever I logged in, nobody would even post for fear of gaining my attention.

RadiantBeam 12:04 am
*scream of fury*

Moczo 12:04 am
I will be the best mod ever.

RadiantBeam 12:06 am
Gaaaaaaaaaaah, you believe that.

Moczo 12:07 am
Yes, because it is true.

RadiantBeam 12:08 am
You keep telling yourself that.

Moczo 12:08 am
I always tell myself the Super Truth.


And it was about that time she started bleeding from her ears, which I took to be a sign of her approval.

So! I'm clearly the best person for the job and I think we can all agree on that... shall I start immediately?